What is a Healthy Relationship?
Four components of a Healthy Relationship

• Respect: You think highly of and are kind to one another. There is a sense of reciprocity in the relationship.
• Communication: You are able to open-up and be yourselves with each other. You can talk honestly, show affection, laugh, and cry with each other. You listen and are heard.
• Honesty/Trust: This is the foundation for a relationship, but you have to earn it. Trust isn't automatic - it comes after you get to know each other.
• Understanding: You are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes.

How is Abstinence defined?

Too often the word "abstinence" is thrown around in discussions and publications with the assumption that everyone is working from the same definition. Abstinence can mean different things to different people at different times. It can mean:

• No sexual contact at all
• Some sexual contact but no oral, anal or vaginal sex
• Oral sex but not vaginal sex

Abstinence is an option at any point in your life, regardless of your previous sexual experience or orientation.

If you're in a relationship...

It is extremely important that you and your partner share the same definition of abstinence. Know your limits and take the time to communicate clearly with each other.

What are the benefits of postponing sex or sexual activity?

• Reduced risk for sexually transmitted infections (STI's)
• Reduced risk for unintended pregnancy
• More time to build a relationship, get to know partner, develop a deeper friendship
• Increased trust in the relationship
• May help to teach people to be better lovers because it allows for exploration of a wide variety of ways to express love and sexual feelings
• Tests the endurance of love beyond the first attraction
• Religious/Moral beliefs
• Build personal integrity by resisting pressure to have sexual intercourse when you are not ready or wanting it can be a real sign of emotional maturity and integrity. It requires maturity to make a decision that is consistent with your personal values, morals and needs.

Common reasons or situations that may challenge your decision

• You get tempted in the "heat of the moment" and can't stop yourself.
• Alcohol or drug use, it lowers inhibitions and clouds judgment.
• You want to please your partner.
• You believe sex is the only way to "hold on" to your partner, to keep him/her from leaving.
• Peer pressure. This can come from a partner or a friend.
• You fall in love and decide you want a sexual relationship.
• Can you think of any others?

Even if you know how to avoid unintended pregnancy and STIs, and even though you may want to, it's not always easy to say no to sex or to use protection.

People who are already in a relationship have different considerations from those who are single. For both, pressure to have sex can be verbal and nonverbal. Regardless, communication is the key.

Strategies to keep from being pressured into having sex when you aren't ready:

• Refusal Statements: It is usually better to simply say "no" to offers you don't like.
• Five characteristics of an effective NO statement:
1. Say NO. There is no better word, unless it is "No Thank You."
2. Use a strong nonverbal NO.
3. Repeat the message as often as necessary.
4. Suggest an alternative action or activity.
5. Keep your words consistent with your tone of voice.
• Delaying statements: People often feel confused about how to say no. Without time to think, they might impulsively make a poor decision. If you feel this way, try using a delaying statement to gain time to think about what you really want.